Tom Brady Secrets

A news team explains how sexy Tom Brady is.

Some guys wear boxers. Some guys wear flannel.

Some guys even wear nothing at all.

But Tom Brady wears a real custom Spider-Man suit to bed.

The suit was made for him in a cooperative effort between Hanes and Marvel Comics, giving him both the comfort of cotton and the realism of his favorite super hero.

When asked about his sleepwear, Tom replied “This is what MY dreams are made of.”

Tom Brady looks like the clean-cut, all-American boy next door.

But he hides a deep dark secret.

Tom Brady is into tattoos.

We’ve shown you his first tattoo, but this is one of his more impressive pieces.

It’s no secret that Tom Brady has a man-crush on Paul Reubens, the actor who portrays Pee-Wee Herman but he actually went as far as permanently adding Reubens portrait to his body.

How’s that for a man-crush?

More of Tom Brady’s hidden tattoos coming soon.

In the 1986 fantasy-adventure Labyrinth, Tom Brady was supposed to play the part of a youngster named “Toby”, but David Bowie (Jareth the Goblin King) had some minor changes made to the movie to keep Brady from being in the film.

Brady, 11 years old at the time was accused by Bowie of hitting on his supermodel girlfriend.

As a result, David Bowie had the writers change the age of the character Brady was supposed to play which was that of an infant.

Years later Tom Brady still resents Bowie for his jealousy and someday hopes to be in the sequel.

When asked for comment, Toby Froud (the child who played the part of Toby) had this to say.

“Um, Tom Brady can cry about me getting the part all he wants. That doesn’t change the fact that he is a football star and gets laid by supermodels while I have nothing going for me except I was the baby in that damned muppet movie.”

David Bowie refused to comment and only snarled at our reporters.

While not as funny as Mother-in-law equalling “Woman Hitler” and Sports Bra spelling “Traps Orbs”, these are Tom Brady’s anagrams!
Dry a tomb.

Body mart.

Do my bart.

Ram by dot.

My bod art.

Mad by rot.

And my personal favorite…

Tar my bod.

Can you come up with a better Tom Brady anagrams?

Did you know?:

Tom Brady had a small role as “Ninja #2″ in the MTV Award nominated blockbuster Beverly Hills Ninja.

In the 1997 comedy starring Chris Farley in which he plays a bungling Ninja in training to stop a counterfeiter.

In Brady’s short but Oscar-worthy scene, he performs a backflip with a twist while throwing a ninja shuriken only to land beneath a toppling Farley and is ultimately crushed to death by fatness.

Tom Brady has never… 

…eaten an Easy-Baked Cake.

…shaved his nether region.

…rode a unicycle.

…snorted Kool-Aid.

…jaywalked.

…owned a thesaurus.

…had a YooHoo chocolate flavored drink.

…danced with the devil in the pale moonlight.

…flipped through the pages of a Victorias Secrets catalog.

…been bitten by a mosquito.

…contracted the Bird Flu.

…opened a chain of Dunkin’ Donuts.

…farted in public.

…been caught stealing.

…taken sides in the GI Joe/Cobra war.

…blinked involuntarily.

If there are two things that Tom Brady loves the most, it’s kittens and mixed martial arts.

So with all the controversy and ugliness surrounding the Michael Vick dog fighting incident, it was in Tom Brady’s best interest to seperate himself from his side project and one true love, the KMMAA (Kitten Mixed Martial Arts Association).

So until the memory of the unsanctioned animal fights has passed and people start to see the real sport that is behind pitting two animals against each other in the art form of sports and combat, Brady is going to have to wait.

Tom Brady does not approve this video.

And THAT is not a secret.

In 2005, Tom Brady appeared on an episode of the Simpsons titled “Home and Ned’s Hail Mary Pass”.

While it is common for celebrities to appear as a guest character on the popular animated TV series, Brady only agreed to be a part of the show under one condition.

Worried about how he would look as a caricature, Tom decided to paint himself yellow and be photographically inserted into the episode so he could retain his boyish good looks.

Matt Groening was obviously enraged by this and decided at the last moment to replace the footage with his own trademark Simpson style.

Here is the only remaining still from original show.

Tom Brady, in an effort to restore his manliness after the devastating Super Bowl loss has begun picking fights with sharks.

His latest battle resulted in him knocking the teeth out of a full grown, great white shark (pictured) with only a slap.

Animal rights activists have been trying to stop Brady from continuing these acts but he was quoted as saying “Hey, I was just standing there in a pool of chum, minding my own business. They started it.”

Tom Brady looks like the clean-cut, all-American boy next door.

But he hides a deep dark secret.

Tom Brady is into tattoos.

Here is the exclusive picture of the first tattoo Brady ever got.

Rumor has it that Tom is covered in tattoos and this is one of the first that has come to light.

More of Tom Brady’s hidden tattoos coming soon.

The questions as to why Tom Brady and Randy Moss have decided to skip the Pro Bowl have been circulating all over the media with suspicions of injuries and bad attitudes.

The real reason is simpler than anyone thought.

Recently it was reported that Brady and Moss are “Coaster Buddies” which led to even more suspicion.

But it is infinitely more innocent than it sounds as they both share a tremendous love of roller coasters.

Brady was interviewed today while in line for a “Park Hopper Pass” for him and his roller coaster pal and asked about the Pro Bowl.

He simply said, “The Pro Bowl happens during the best time of the year, roller coaster season. Rand and I don’t wanna miss it again this year.”

So it seems sometimes, guys just wanna have fun.

A ladies’ man and great pilot, Tom Brady aka Lance Charles McClain was the Right Arm of the mighty Voltron during the Lion Force years.

He was up for the position of lead Lion but loved the idea of being Voltron’s “throwing arm”.

Tom also liked the way the red suit brought out his eyes.

While the Black Lion is usually the team leader, this Voltron which is also the Defender of the Universe, decided to make the change to accommodate Brady’s ego.

Sadly all members of Team Voltron Lion Force were killed by Prince Lotor while Tom Brady was signing autographs.

Since then Voltron has been shelved while other more popular giant robots have taken the spotlight including The Mighty Morphin Power Rangers MegaZord which was once piloted by William “The Refrigerator” Perry.

Tom Brady has been the voice of Beaker, the hapless assistant of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew on the Muppet Show for the past 8 years.

He was also a talking football in one skit but will always be remembered for his classic line in the movie Muppets from Space when he said “Meep meep meep…..meep.”

While Brady is indeed the voice behind the puppet, he does not actually do the puppeteering. When asked about why he wouldn’t learn the craft he respoded with “I dunno man, hands up the backside make me feel kinda dirty.”

Tom Brady once fought Mike Tyson to a draw in a charity event for starving models in Brazil. Brady looked to be winning the bout when a suddenly enraged Tyson tried to take a bite and chipped a tooth on the quarterbacks helmet.

Officials declared the match to be a draw though a teary-eyed Tyson admitted defeat in a press conference later that day.

Because of the controversy the charity refunded the purse of the fight and Tom Brady is said to have taken care of all the models in Brazil in his own way.

With the Super Bowl right around the corner everyone has been speculating about Tom Brady’s foot which has been seen covered in a boot.

Sources have told me that this all started with a viewing of Quentin Tarantino’s latest flick called Planet Terror…

which was part of a two movie horrorfest called Grindhouse. Seems that Brady has taken such a liking to the character in the movie named Cherry (played by Rose McGowan) who’s leg was amputated and replaced with a machine gun.

So needless to say, Tom, with his spontaneous attitude had to run out and get one just like it.

Now as you can see with the “boot” removed, Tom is sporting a brand new machine gun leg. No word yet on if the NFL will allow him to use it on the field.

Tom Brady was the only extra on Star Trek to appear as a “Red Shirt” who did not die in their episode.

It turned out in a later episode that Brady was a Borg disguised as a crew member and assimilated the original crewman so thereby proving that all “Red Shirts” die.

Tom Brady was so upset with the way the episode turned out that he actually “assimilated” the writers of that single episode.

Due to the fact that there was no evidence, all charges were dropped.

Tom Brady’s celebration is usually defined by a punching motion which could be thought of as just a result of over excitement.

In all actuality it is a carefully rehearsed celebratory movement.

Tom Brady is very careful to not over or under simulate this move everytime because of past problems with his “stealing” of victory poses.

Back in college, Brady was notorious for running to the sidelines, grabbing a 2×4 to sling over his shoulder, giving a thumbs up and yelling “Ho!” after successful completions.

Soon after this began, it caught the attention of popular pro-wrestler Jim “Hacksaw” Duggan who invited Tom out to dinner at the Sizzler to discuss his feelings on the matter. There was never any confirmation on what exactly was said during this impromptu feast but when Tom returned to the field the following week his victory cheer had been simplified into an overexaggerrated shout of “Hoooooooo” and a fist in the air.

Two weeks later a lawsuit was filed against Mr. Brady by Lion-O of the Thundercats.

99% of all men have been known to give their most private of privates their own personal names.

Tom Brady is no different.

What is special about the his man-bit monikers is that it reveals his secret love of Star Wars.

Tom Brady calls his man-missle “Peter Mayhew”…

…who played Chewbacca and his testicles “Kenny Baker and Warwick Davis”…

…who played R2D2 and Wicket the Ewok, respectively.

He has also been known to claim that he has “The Force” in his pants.

A little unknown fact is Tom Brady’s image once appeared on a slice of toast in the Vatican City.

This slice of his glory was discovered by Cardinal Josef Ratzinger and led to his being named Pope Benedict XVI back in April of 2005.

This is the last known picture of the sacred toast which is rumored to have been eaten by his Popeness and giving him supernatural powers.

You might think that Tom Brady is a dog person but you’d be wrong.

He is in fact a cat person and has nine hairless cats living in a small cottage in the mountains of New England.

All of them tattooed.

It is understood that Tom Brady always really wanted to be a dog person but he is highly allergic so instead he tattoos his cats to make them more manly.

He once pierced a hamster but it died of complications and he doesn’t speak of it anymore.

Not all of us are naturally bald and wearing that flesh helmet takes courage.

But once you do have the shining dome the obvious next step is to memorialize it with a Tom Brady tattoo like this fine gentleman did.

A man who said “Something that popped in my head, I was watching a game and I said I want my head to look like Tom Brady’s helmet.”

That is something that pops into a lot of peoples’ head, I’m sure.

Tom Brady was quoted as saying, “Why doesn’t everyone do this?”

Congratulations to Tom Brady after taking Ladainian Tomlinson out of the big game this weekend with a “Sideline Sucker Punch” that helped the Patriots on to the Super Bowl.

While a sucker punch might be considered cheating or even a dirty tactic, this happened on the sidelines where anything goes. So technically Mr. Tomlinson is lucky Tom Brady only punched him instead of his usual curb stomp and/or 5-Point Death Touch.

He plays it wearing a smokers jacket.

Tom Brady only threw 3 pics today because he set the odds in Vegas at 14. He put 75 million on the under.

He also wrote and produced this song tomorrow, traveled back in time, and put it on YouTube so I could post it here.

In the December of 1982 a young Tom Brady, sporting a mohawk and gold chains was approached by a clean cut, african american gentleman wearing a top hat and business suit who asked the youngster if it would be possible to use his likeness in a character he would be playing in an upcoming TV series.

January  23rd, 1983 the A-Team debuted on television.

Although I promised never to tell, Tom Brady was actually the keytar player in the 80’s pop group, Kajagoogoo! Don’t believe me? Here’s a picture from the “Top of the Pops” to prove it!

Feel free to use this image as your desktops wallpaper. It’s HAWT!

Tom has a secret collection of vintage Barbie dolls he keeps in a summer home in Michigan. His favorite Barbie is the 1954 Red Raider Cheerleader.

Tom Brady actually wrote and produced this song. His brother Frank was sang it, and his friend Tedy Bruschi produced the video. It was recorded in Bill Belichek’s AV studio in Manchester New Hampshire