Tom Brady Secrets

Tom Brady looks like the clean-cut, all-American boy next door.

But he hides a deep dark secret.

Tom Brady is into tattoos.

We’ve shown you his first tattoo, but this is one of his more impressive pieces.

It’s no secret that Tom Brady has a man-crush on Paul Reubens, the actor who portrays Pee-Wee Herman but he actually went as far as permanently adding Reubens portrait to his body.

How’s that for a man-crush?

More of Tom Brady’s hidden tattoos coming soon.

Tom Brady has never… 

…eaten an Easy-Baked Cake.

…shaved his nether region.

…rode a unicycle.

…snorted Kool-Aid.

…jaywalked.

…owned a thesaurus.

…had a YooHoo chocolate flavored drink.

…danced with the devil in the pale moonlight.

…flipped through the pages of a Victorias Secrets catalog.

…been bitten by a mosquito.

…contracted the Bird Flu.

…opened a chain of Dunkin’ Donuts.

…farted in public.

…been caught stealing.

…taken sides in the GI Joe/Cobra war.

…blinked involuntarily.

If there are two things that Tom Brady loves the most, it’s kittens and mixed martial arts.

So with all the controversy and ugliness surrounding the Michael Vick dog fighting incident, it was in Tom Brady’s best interest to seperate himself from his side project and one true love, the KMMAA (Kitten Mixed Martial Arts Association).

So until the memory of the unsanctioned animal fights has passed and people start to see the real sport that is behind pitting two animals against each other in the art form of sports and combat, Brady is going to have to wait.

Tom Brady does not approve this video.

And THAT is not a secret.

In 2005, Tom Brady appeared on an episode of the Simpsons titled “Home and Ned’s Hail Mary Pass”.

While it is common for celebrities to appear as a guest character on the popular animated TV series, Brady only agreed to be a part of the show under one condition.

Worried about how he would look as a caricature, Tom decided to paint himself yellow and be photographically inserted into the episode so he could retain his boyish good looks.

Matt Groening was obviously enraged by this and decided at the last moment to replace the footage with his own trademark Simpson style.

Here is the only remaining still from original show.

Tom Brady looks like the clean-cut, all-American boy next door.

But he hides a deep dark secret.

Tom Brady is into tattoos.

Here is the exclusive picture of the first tattoo Brady ever got.

Rumor has it that Tom is covered in tattoos and this is one of the first that has come to light.

More of Tom Brady’s hidden tattoos coming soon.

The questions as to why Tom Brady and Randy Moss have decided to skip the Pro Bowl have been circulating all over the media with suspicions of injuries and bad attitudes.

The real reason is simpler than anyone thought.

Recently it was reported that Brady and Moss are “Coaster Buddies” which led to even more suspicion.

But it is infinitely more innocent than it sounds as they both share a tremendous love of roller coasters.

Brady was interviewed today while in line for a “Park Hopper Pass” for him and his roller coaster pal and asked about the Pro Bowl.

He simply said, “The Pro Bowl happens during the best time of the year, roller coaster season. Rand and I don’t wanna miss it again this year.”

So it seems sometimes, guys just wanna have fun.

A ladies’ man and great pilot, Tom Brady aka Lance Charles McClain was the Right Arm of the mighty Voltron during the Lion Force years.

He was up for the position of lead Lion but loved the idea of being Voltron’s “throwing arm”.

Tom also liked the way the red suit brought out his eyes.

While the Black Lion is usually the team leader, this Voltron which is also the Defender of the Universe, decided to make the change to accommodate Brady’s ego.

Sadly all members of Team Voltron Lion Force were killed by Prince Lotor while Tom Brady was signing autographs.

Since then Voltron has been shelved while other more popular giant robots have taken the spotlight including The Mighty Morphin Power Rangers MegaZord which was once piloted by William “The Refrigerator” Perry.

Tom Brady has been the voice of Beaker, the hapless assistant of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew on the Muppet Show for the past 8 years.

He was also a talking football in one skit but will always be remembered for his classic line in the movie Muppets from Space when he said “Meep meep meep…..meep.”

While Brady is indeed the voice behind the puppet, he does not actually do the puppeteering. When asked about why he wouldn’t learn the craft he respoded with “I dunno man, hands up the backside make me feel kinda dirty.”

Tom Brady once fought Mike Tyson to a draw in a charity event for starving models in Brazil. Brady looked to be winning the bout when a suddenly enraged Tyson tried to take a bite and chipped a tooth on the quarterbacks helmet.

Officials declared the match to be a draw though a teary-eyed Tyson admitted defeat in a press conference later that day.

Because of the controversy the charity refunded the purse of the fight and Tom Brady is said to have taken care of all the models in Brazil in his own way.

With the Super Bowl right around the corner everyone has been speculating about Tom Brady’s foot which has been seen covered in a boot.

Sources have told me that this all started with a viewing of Quentin Tarantino’s latest flick called Planet Terror…

which was part of a two movie horrorfest called Grindhouse. Seems that Brady has taken such a liking to the character in the movie named Cherry (played by Rose McGowan) who’s leg was amputated and replaced with a machine gun.

So needless to say, Tom, with his spontaneous attitude had to run out and get one just like it.

Now as you can see with the “boot” removed, Tom is sporting a brand new machine gun leg. No word yet on if the NFL will allow him to use it on the field.

Tom Brady was the only extra on Star Trek to appear as a “Red Shirt” who did not die in their episode.

It turned out in a later episode that Brady was a Borg disguised as a crew member and assimilated the original crewman so thereby proving that all “Red Shirts” die.

Tom Brady was so upset with the way the episode turned out that he actually “assimilated” the writers of that single episode.

Due to the fact that there was no evidence, all charges were dropped.

Tom Brady’s celebration is usually defined by a punching motion which could be thought of as just a result of over excitement.

In all actuality it is a carefully rehearsed celebratory movement.

Tom Brady is very careful to not over or under simulate this move everytime because of past problems with his “stealing” of victory poses.

Back in college, Brady was notorious for running to the sidelines, grabbing a 2×4 to sling over his shoulder, giving a thumbs up and yelling “Ho!” after successful completions.

Soon after this began, it caught the attention of popular pro-wrestler Jim “Hacksaw” Duggan who invited Tom out to dinner at the Sizzler to discuss his feelings on the matter. There was never any confirmation on what exactly was said during this impromptu feast but when Tom returned to the field the following week his victory cheer had been simplified into an overexaggerrated shout of “Hoooooooo” and a fist in the air.

Two weeks later a lawsuit was filed against Mr. Brady by Lion-O of the Thundercats.

A little unknown fact is Tom Brady’s image once appeared on a slice of toast in the Vatican City.

This slice of his glory was discovered by Cardinal Josef Ratzinger and led to his being named Pope Benedict XVI back in April of 2005.

This is the last known picture of the sacred toast which is rumored to have been eaten by his Popeness and giving him supernatural powers.

You might think that Tom Brady is a dog person but you’d be wrong.

He is in fact a cat person and has nine hairless cats living in a small cottage in the mountains of New England.

All of them tattooed.

It is understood that Tom Brady always really wanted to be a dog person but he is highly allergic so instead he tattoos his cats to make them more manly.

He once pierced a hamster but it died of complications and he doesn’t speak of it anymore.

Not all of us are naturally bald and wearing that flesh helmet takes courage.

But once you do have the shining dome the obvious next step is to memorialize it with a Tom Brady tattoo like this fine gentleman did.

A man who said “Something that popped in my head, I was watching a game and I said I want my head to look like Tom Brady’s helmet.”

That is something that pops into a lot of peoples’ head, I’m sure.

Tom Brady was quoted as saying, “Why doesn’t everyone do this?”

Congratulations to Tom Brady after taking Ladainian Tomlinson out of the big game this weekend with a “Sideline Sucker Punch” that helped the Patriots on to the Super Bowl.

While a sucker punch might be considered cheating or even a dirty tactic, this happened on the sidelines where anything goes. So technically Mr. Tomlinson is lucky Tom Brady only punched him instead of his usual curb stomp and/or 5-Point Death Touch.

In the December of 1982 a young Tom Brady, sporting a mohawk and gold chains was approached by a clean cut, african american gentleman wearing a top hat and business suit who asked the youngster if it would be possible to use his likeness in a character he would be playing in an upcoming TV series.

January  23rd, 1983 the A-Team debuted on television.

1.Tom Brady Plays Uno Web Cam on the weekends

2. Tom Brady wears bikini briefs

3. Tom Brady is the lead singer in a rap group Crack Money

4. Tom Brady’s favorite drink is an Appletini

5. Tom Brady is from Boston

6. Tom Brady’s theme song is the final count down by Europe

7. Tom Brady drives a segway around his house (He wrecked it)

8. Tom Brady’s favortie web site is Top10kid.com

9. Tom Brady might be gay, but he still plays football like a man

10. Tom Brady is allergic to condoms

Tom Brady drinks Zima and Only Zima. He claims to drink manly beers but really he has the bartenders swap out the beer and drop dye in his Zima, to make it look like beer. It’s Ok Tom it’s nothing to be embarrassed about.

Tom Brady’s top 5 favorite hobbies:

1. Hula Hooping

2. Booger picking

3. Knitting

4. Cross Country Skiing

5. HopSkotch

Tom Brady’s plans for the weekend:

Friday Night: Greco Roman Wrestling

Saturday Night: Drunken Web Cam Uno

Sunday Night: Start his own NerdCore Rap group

He only became and NFL quarterback because he didn’t make it as a lumberjack.

Tom Brady’s real name is Mike Honco

Tom Brady is scared of clowns. If he see’s a clown he will cry and possibly wet himself. This one time at the circus a clown honked his nose infront of Tom. Tom was so scared he wet his pants and threw up on the clown!

Tom Brady has two things in his garage, a boom-box and card board. Tom Brady is training to be a break dancing machine.

Tom Brady went to Lego Land this weekend. While there he got in a fight with a Lego man and in the process started a fire, burning the park to the ground.

Luckily for Tome he is a master of Lego’s and rebuilt the town in 3 hours.

Sometimes he wears masks to mask his true identity, but Golden Boy Tom once rap battled Ini Kamoze in front of dozens of Ini’s fans and it has been documented that Ini Kamoze DID in fact poop in his pants. Reports state the poop smelled like cabbage but I cannot confirm this claim.

This guy is talking about Golden Boy’s truth speaking ability.  It’s true.  Tom Brady cannot tell a lie, it part of his unique genetic makeup that gives him that stone jaw that can slurp down King Cobra with the best of them.  He is actually more advanced genetically than typical humans. 

BTW- Humans are about to split into two races.  One that will go on to travel space with big heads and huge eyes, and ones that will go on to spawn with only supermodels and will get paid and worshiped as Gods to play whatever game they like.  I hope my kids’ genes end up going down the Brady evolutionary path!