Tom Brady Secrets

Tom Brady has never… 

…eaten an Easy-Baked Cake.

…shaved his nether region.

…rode a unicycle.

…snorted Kool-Aid.

…jaywalked.

…owned a thesaurus.

…had a YooHoo chocolate flavored drink.

…danced with the devil in the pale moonlight.

…flipped through the pages of a Victorias Secrets catalog.

…been bitten by a mosquito.

…contracted the Bird Flu.

…opened a chain of Dunkin’ Donuts.

…farted in public.

…been caught stealing.

…taken sides in the GI Joe/Cobra war.

…blinked involuntarily.

Tom Brady, in an effort to restore his manliness after the devastating Super Bowl loss has begun picking fights with sharks.

His latest battle resulted in him knocking the teeth out of a full grown, great white shark (pictured) with only a slap.

Animal rights activists have been trying to stop Brady from continuing these acts but he was quoted as saying “Hey, I was just standing there in a pool of chum, minding my own business. They started it.”

The questions as to why Tom Brady and Randy Moss have decided to skip the Pro Bowl have been circulating all over the media with suspicions of injuries and bad attitudes.

The real reason is simpler than anyone thought.

Recently it was reported that Brady and Moss are “Coaster Buddies” which led to even more suspicion.

But it is infinitely more innocent than it sounds as they both share a tremendous love of roller coasters.

Brady was interviewed today while in line for a “Park Hopper Pass” for him and his roller coaster pal and asked about the Pro Bowl.

He simply said, “The Pro Bowl happens during the best time of the year, roller coaster season. Rand and I don’t wanna miss it again this year.”

So it seems sometimes, guys just wanna have fun.

With the Super Bowl right around the corner everyone has been speculating about Tom Brady’s foot which has been seen covered in a boot.

Sources have told me that this all started with a viewing of Quentin Tarantino’s latest flick called Planet Terror…

which was part of a two movie horrorfest called Grindhouse. Seems that Brady has taken such a liking to the character in the movie named Cherry (played by Rose McGowan) who’s leg was amputated and replaced with a machine gun.

So needless to say, Tom, with his spontaneous attitude had to run out and get one just like it.

Now as you can see with the “boot” removed, Tom is sporting a brand new machine gun leg. No word yet on if the NFL will allow him to use it on the field.

Although I promised never to tell, Tom Brady was actually the keytar player in the 80’s pop group, Kajagoogoo! Don’t believe me? Here’s a picture from the “Top of the Pops” to prove it!

Feel free to use this image as your desktops wallpaper. It’s HAWT!

Tom Brady drinks Zima and Only Zima. He claims to drink manly beers but really he has the bartenders swap out the beer and drop dye in his Zima, to make it look like beer. It’s Ok Tom it’s nothing to be embarrassed about.